


An "Are You the One?" Inception AU. Of sorts.

by earlgreytea68, involuntaryorange, kenopsia (indie)



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2015-11-03
Packaged: 2018-04-29 16:44:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5135099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earlgreytea68/pseuds/earlgreytea68, https://archiveofourown.org/users/involuntaryorange/pseuds/involuntaryorange, https://archiveofourown.org/users/indie/pseuds/kenopsia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is what happens when you watch "Are You the One?" and start casting Arthur and Eames into it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An "Are You the One?" Inception AU. Of sorts.

**Author's Note:**

> In which InvoluntaryOrange, FandomKatie, and I write a Twitterstory.

I watch “Are You the One?” I’m not proud of this, but, at the same time, I admit I enjoy it, because you don’t have to think very hard about it, but it *is* an interesting premise. 

If you don’t know the show, they throw together twenty contestants, ten girls, ten boys (it’s geared toward straight cisgender relationships). There are ten “perfect matches” among these twenty contestants, according to some “experts” MTV has pulled together. The contestants have ten weeks (or ten “match-ups,” I’m unclear how long they go between match-ups) to find their perfect match in the house. If they all find their matches in time, they win a million dollars (and theoretically have met the love of their lives). If they fail, they all lose. Every episode, a few couples win challenges and go on dates to get to know each other better. The house votes one of those couples into the “truth booth” to see if they’re a perfect match. The only other information they get about the matches is at every match-up, where they take turns choosing who they think their perfect match is, and the show tells them the total they got correct, but not which couples. So they know they have two perfect matches in the arrangement they’ve given the show, but they don’t know which the matches are. 

It’s a fascinating show to watch, #1 - because I desperately want a version of it with people in their mid-30s instead of early-20s to see how different it would be; #2 - they all “fall in love” with each other INSTANTLY and then can never fall out of love because how can you turn feelings off so quickly (never mind that they turned *on* so quickly); and #3 - they are constantly fighting about whether they should follow their heads or their hearts, because theoretically you should be able to win this game just through, like, logic-puzzling it out. 

So, anyhow, I was watching the show, and it occurred to me that I really want an Arthur/Eames AU of this show. I mentioned it on Twitter and @involuntaryorange and fandomkatie joined in and I think this fic would go something like this: 

Me: Arthur would be the player on “Are You the One” trying to get everyone to stay focused on winning through strategy. Meanwhile, he would be annoyed at how attracted he is to the smug, smirky, smarmy Brit with the ugly clothes who is obviously not his match. 

IO: I have never heard of this show. 

Me: OMG it is such a terrible trashy show. It’s a reality show on MTV. I watch because I like thoughtless TV. 20 people are stuck together. “Experts” have found their perfect matches for them. Now they have to weed through the group. They are TERRIBLE at it, omg. TERRIBLE. And it’s so frustrating because IT SHOULD JUST BE A LOGIC PUZZLE. JUST THINK. Like, they’re given periodic information and if you kept track, you should win REGARDLESS OF TOUCHY-FEELY EMOTIONS. 

IO: TBH this show sounds AMAZING. Does the audience know whose match is whose? 

Me: No. But I know people who do the charts and stuff and keep track LOGICALLY to try to figure it out. You can play along. 

FK: I am suddenly All About This. (I’d never heard of this before but 10/10 YES for Arthur using spreadsheets.)

Me: It’s, like, the perfect reality show for them. It is explicitly spreadsheets vs. flirting. 

IO: And outwardly Eames would look like he wasn’t paying attention, but he’s actually better at strategy than Arthur.

Me: EXACTLY. At the very last match-up, Eames pulls out his own chart and is like, “Here’s your million bucks.” And Arthur is just like, “...Fuck, how long have you had this figured out?” And then Arthur is like, “...Wait, you have us down as a match.” Eames: “Yeah, that’s where your spreadsheet kept going wrong, darling.” 

FK: Eames: “I am everyone’s perfect match, darling. Put me down for a check mark in every column.” Arthur: >:(

Me: HAHAHAHAHA. And then he would try to work his way through everyone in the house just to make Arthur jealous. 

Me: Arthur would be like, “My match isn’t the weird squinty one?” Eames: “You’re an idiot. His match is the hot French chick.” “...*That’s his match*????”

FK: You would get to write twitter fic again because you know they’d be viewer’s otp. Well. First Eames would be the fandom bike but, you know, toward the middle, it would be really really obvs. Early on Arthur would be like, “How are you keeping track if you don’t have charts?” and Eames would be like: “I’m using a more...frictive approach.” *leers leers leers* 

Me: And Eames would keep giving Arthur earnest speeches about “following his heart” and Arthur would roll his eyes. And then when he sees Eames’s spreadsheet he’d be like, “You hypocritical son of a bitch.” 

Me: The audience would *love* it, because Arthur would be *so frustrated* by his spreadsheets failing him. And everyone at home would be like, “ARTHUR, YOUR MATCH IS EAMES, DO YOU SEE HOW HE LOOKS AT YOU??????” “ARTHUR, EAMES IS THE ONLY PERSON YOU EVER SMILE AT IN THE ENTIRE HOUSE, ARTHUUUUUUUUURRRRRRR.” And he, poor thing, would just be so oblivious and unhappy and blush throughout the reunion show. 

FK: They wouldn’t be on kissing terms by the reunion show?????

Me: No, they would be, but Arthur would be embarrassed it took him so long. The host would tease him. 

Me: The only problem with this fic is that couples get to go to “truth booths” periodically to see if they match. I’d have to come up with some reason Arthur and Eames would never go to one, to keep up the suspense. Wait. You get go to go to a truth booth if you pick each other for a date. Maybe Eames never picks Arthur. And Eames tells all his dates, “Arthur’s my match, but I want him to realize *on his own.*” 

FK: I need to watch this to have a proper chat about it. How early would Eames know? How do you figure it out? 

Me: Theoretically you’re supposed to figure it out through your “connection” but these people all fail. Which is why Arthur would be like, “Forget about ‘connections,’ let’s just strategize it out.” 

IO: He and Eames get into long-winded arguments about whether intellectual or sexual compatibility is more important. Arthur manages to completely overlook the fact that these arguments prove their intellectual compatibility. 

Me: Because Eames keep suggesting they give the sexual compatibility thing a try and it keeps throwing Arthur’s focus. 

FK: Fascinating. I feel like during the science v. romance conversation Arthur would keep accidentally saying hilarious sad things. Eames is going to laugh about it later, but only after he, y’know, becomes the outlier. These horrifically sad things about his abysmal dating history that Eames has to pretend he doesn’t hear. “A relationship doesn’t need spontaneity, Eames. My last boyfriend and I planned out coitus and kept track of stats for a year to ensure fairness and maximum enjoyment and that was satisfactory all around.” Every time Arthur talks about previous partners he sounds like an accountant at the end of the fiscal year. “No staggering losses, 10/10 will invest again.” 

IO: Like, “I mean, I dated a guy who would only have sex with the lights out, but we had really good conversations and sometimes if the sex lasted long enough my eyes adapted to the dark and I could kind of see his face.” 

Me: OH MY GOD. And I feel like Eames would be like, “So why did you break up with all these great boyfriends?” And Arthur’s got this whole, “I think I’m afraid of commitment, I self-sabotage my relationships, I don’t want to be happy,” etc. Like: Arthur, you don’t marry these losers because they don’t make you happy. But Arthur has to see it first. And Eames is thinking, No, your self-preservation finally kicked in and you started thinking clearly.

FK: OR. Even sadder: “I don’t. typically. break up with people.” Because like. He thinks things were okay, y’know. 

IO: Or, worse, he’s like, “Oh, they all broke up with me. They said I was too demanding. And see, that’s why intellectual compatibility is so important!” 

FK: YES. SAME PAGE. He’s never had a thing with a lot of passion, so he keeps accepting companionship, grateful. 

IO: And also, Eames has never had a good relationship either, because most people are just into him for his looks. 

FK: His Big Ex is basically a bastard Arthur: brilliant, cool, collected. Eames was super attracted to the way he has a lot of really interesting ops but he never lets Eames gets a word in, treats him like dumb armcandy. 

IO: His constant joking is a defense mechanism that he’s developed. OH MY GOD THIS FIC HAS BECOME SO SAD. 

FK: THE HORROR FELT WHEN HE REALIZES HOW FOCUSED A IS ON INTELLECTUAL COMPATIBILITY. Like damn, self. Not again. 

IO: Oh, I was thinking he’d be happy! Because obviously Arthur isn’t going to use him for his looks. 

FK: That, but if he worries A doesn’t think he’s smart because of how he presents he’d definitely have heartsink. Because he’s like, “I shouldn’t have to dampen my personality and whip out my degree to be taken seriously.” But of course, eventually: TRUE LOVE. 

IO: I guess the happiness could come after the horror. When he realizes Arthur likes arguing with him. 

FK: No, I think you’re right. I went overboard with sad. Eames’s fondness comes early and hard. Arthur’s a dear. 

 


End file.
